


Derek goes Wolf

by JjDunn



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Hurt Derek, Hurt Stiles, Lonely Derek, M/M, Not Happy, Sad Stiles, Wolf Derek
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-11
Packaged: 2018-02-16 01:37:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2251029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JjDunn/pseuds/JjDunn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek has decided he's done with Beacon Hills and goes Wolf.  He doesn't feel needed anymore, is he wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have never written a fan fiction before. All mistakes are mine and not beta'd. I have commented, Kudo'd, and exchanged emails with many authors but this is the first time I have felt compelled to write and finish one. Please let me know if I should stick to reading only or if this was just my jumping off point into writing more. Set in season 4, I'm behind an episode so I may have missed some things but mostly Cannon compliant.

Derek wakes slowly to the sounds of the dripping pipes in the back of the loft. He rises up out of the bed and makes his way over the bathroom. After doing his morning ritual, he looks into the mirror. His green eyes look back at him and he wonders yet again why he came back. No one here really needed him, Scott was an alpha in his own right and did just fine running his pack. They usually only called him when they had some need of him because he was the only one not in school and it was convenient, but they really didn't need him. Derek reflects back on his life. He has come to realize how very little anyone one needed him. 

His parents didn't need a male wolf to be an alpha, Laura was first born and had the title already was slotted to be passed to her. Cora didn't need her older brother as she had an older sister to play with and thought Derek had cooties. (To be fair she was only 7). 

Kate didn't need him to destroy the house, she could have found the information on her own. She only wanted to mess the younger boy’s head up and have a little fun while she was at it. (Derek has finally forgiven himself for the nonsense that Kate did to him after some much needed therapy while he was gone from this God forsaken city last summer)

Laura did need him, but that was so she wouldn't be lonely when she was in New York. After they made their home there, she spent just as many nights out as she did in and she found company in the arms of many strangers both male and female. Derek wasn't sure if she knew what part he played in the death of their family, but he thinks she suspected he was partly to blame. So in reality what she needed she got elsewhere and would have been better off if Derek hadn't been there at all.

Scott had absolutely no need for him after Peter bit him. He wanted nothing to do with being a wolf, let alone needing some messed up “brother” figure to help him. He flitted around the outskirts of Derek’s pack because he was still learning to be a werewolf, and was looking to pick up some helpful information to find a cure. 

Peter didn't need him and blamed him one hundred percent for the fire, the one and only time he had needed Derek was to become alive again and somehow Derek really didn't want to be needed for that. 

Boyd, Erica, and Isaac only needed him to become werewolves and in the end what did that do for them. Boyd and Erica dead because he had failed to be the kind of Alpha they needed. The kind that Scott had become. Isaac would have been better off with Jackson just killing his father and then moving into foster care. He wouldn't have lost his girlfriend Allison and his friends Erica and Boyd. He misses Isaac, the only one he truly feels he let down by not being the kind of Guardian he needed.

Jackson didn't need Derek, he had wanted him for all of one bite. Then the Kanima mess had happened, the Lydia romance and then poof he was gone to London and then he didn't seem to need anyone at all.

Cora had actually needed him when she got sick, but what she really needed was the alpha spark to stay alive. Once she got better she realized she didn't want anything to do with Beacon Hills, the territory, or all the supernatural crap. She has returned to her pack that raised her. She asked Derek to come with her, but in reality she didn't need him to.

The Sheriff needed him to explain things and help him out now and then, Derek suspects it’s because Stiles wants information to keep the database current and up to date along with being a amateur detective for Scott’s pack. He could get one of the pack members to help him out if he really needed it, but again Derek was convenient, not in school, and already a suspect if things went south in a hurry. So what the Sheriff needed, was a scapegoat if his son was in danger of being arrested. No thanks.

Lydia didn't need nor want him. She was a banshee and she blamed all the Hales for making this nightmare a reality for her 24/7. Yup, Lydia wished Derek had never existed.

Jennifer Blake had only needed him for a hot minute dealing with the Alpha demon wolf, but she could have done it on her own if she had wanted. She just liked to mess with his pack. Another physco killer girlfriend, why was Derek still dating girls again??

Malia didn't know or really care about Derek one way or the other. She had done just fine without him and would never really need anyone as a coyote.

Liam, yeah just no. He didn't need Derek to throw him into lockers or intimidate him, that kid was scared of his own shadow so yup not even touching that one.

Chris and Allison Argent didn't want Derek to begin with and once Victoria was gone and then Allison, Chris was left with nothing. They tolerated each other's presence but that was about it. Neither wanted to needed the other one.

Stiles, the one that didn't need Derek but Derek needed so very much. The sarcastic boy with nothing but intelligence and wit behind those amber eyes. Derek needed him to cut off his arm when he thought the wolfsbane was going to kill him. Derek needed him to hold him up in the water so he didn't drown. Derek needed him when he had been captured and tortured to help him find a way out of the messes he always seemed to end up in with Kate and the other hunters. Derek needed him to find him in Mexico when he had been turned temporarily into a teenager again. Derek needed him when they were looking for the cure to his becoming human again and when he had found that cure, needed him to help him implement it to become not only the wolf again but somehow the Alpha again as well. Yes Derek needed Stiles so very much, but not just that he wanted him. He was loyal, brave, smart, kind and yes a bit geeky but it made Derek like him so much more. Derek knew from the moment he saved him that first time that Stiles was mate potential. After he fixed him from being a human, Derek knew he was his actual Mate. Stiles was unfortunately with his cousin Malia, so while Derek needed and wanted Stiles. Stiles didn't share those feelings for Derek and had never made Derek think differently. He was happy, in love with a girl his own age, and finally on good terms with his father again. No Derek wanted to very much to be with Stiles, but it wasn't ever going to happen.

Derek looked again around him in the sparse place he had called home for more than a few years. Why was he still here? No one in this town needed him to be here and if he left no one would miss him at all really. Derek looked back at the cracked mirror above the sink and let his alpha eyes show through. What he really needed was a break from being human. What would happen if he just let the wolf take over for a while? What would it hurt? He could leave this drafty loft and take off into the preserves, even go further north and look for a pack of real wolves. Maybe he could find some solace in his beast side and let all the emotions that plague him take a back seat. Derek rolled his shoulders, leaned his head back and let out a fierce roar. His wolf relished in the idea of taking over. Derek used to fear it would take the reins one day and never let him have them back, but in the recent years he has stopped caring if he comes back from this or not. It’s time, Derek takes one last look at himself in the mirror. His pain etched in the handsome face he sees look back at him. The lost look in his eyes is something he doesn't want to see anymore, punching the mirror it shatters around the bathroom floor. Stalking out through the industrial loft door, he shuts it with a finality behind him. 

Making his way to the first floor he wonders if he should shoot a text to his pseudo alpha Scott letting him know not to be concerned at his leaving the territory, but he realizes he doesn't care if Scott knows or not. The only person he really cares about, doesn't share the same feelings as him. Racing to the ruins of his house and the last of his shred of humanity, he strips everything off until he’s standing in the nude. Where he’s going he has no need of his phone or his clothes. As a single tear travels down his cheek, he pulls out his phone for the last time. He has to sever the final connection to Stiles. He sends a farewell text to the beautiful boy who held his heart.

Stiles: I can’t do this anymore, everything I ever wanted was with you and I can’t have it. The pack neither wants nor needs me and Scott will be a good Alpha to them. You have been a good friend to me and I realize now that you don’t need me interfering with your life nor do you want me to either. I have decided to go and live among the wolves and do everything I can to end my days with them. You were angry the last time I left because I didn't tell you. Please accept this as my goodbye. I will not be returning to Beacon Hills. Stay safe and take care of one another. I will remember you till my final breath. You have been and always will be my friend. – Love, D

Derek knew that Stiles would appreciate the Star Trek quote and checked to make sure the message went through. After a minute of no response, he realized that Stiles had seen the message and chosen not to reply or had no response or who knows maybe too busy to message back. Either way, it was confirmation of his decision. Turning off the phone and laying it among his jeans near the rubble of his house much like the rubble of his life. Derek released his alpha howl of loneliness and abandonment before shifting into full wolf. His first time and he looked down. He was big, but not that monstrosity his uncle had become. He just looked like an oversize large black wolf. In the mountains he would blend in with the other animals and have no fear of the hunters that plagued his kind. In the far north where humans didn't come because of the cold and the harsh conditions.

Looking one last time over his shoulder at the lights from the small town of Beacon Hills, Derek chuffed and took off into the preserves. The wind on his muzzle and ruffling his fur. Goodbye my Stiles, my mate.

Stiles POV  
Stiles wondered what was happening. He had heard Derek’s howl from his house and figured something was going on. It didn't sound like one of pain, but a melancholy howl of loneliness? He tried to send a text but he kept getting a no signal message. He was sad because he and Malia had just decided to part ways. He knew her heart wasn't really in the relationship anymore. After she found out she was a Hale and that Stiles had known and chosen to lie about it. She didn't trust him as much. This had proven to be too much for their relationship. He asked her if she loved him and she said she cared, but not really loved anymore. He was sad and knew he would miss her, but in the past few months he had been working hard with the newly made Alpha Derek and getting him back on his feet after all that he had been through in the ritual to become wolf again. His heart beat quickened at the thought that he might not be as straight as he once thought. Every time he was around Derek he felt funny in his stomach, kinda like butterfly’s. It reminded him of how he used to feel with Lydia... Wait he felt that way when he thought he loved Lydia. Did that mean he loved Derek? Well, Shit!! He needed to talk to Derek tonight. 

Jumping into his jeep he started to head over to the loft, when he heard Derek howl again. This time it sounds like from the preserves, Stiles made a quick u turn and headed back that way. Driving towards the old Hale house he heard a text ping, but since he was driving he knew his dad would kill him if he answered it. Stiles pulled up into the driveway of the construction site. Stiles lept out of his jeep door just in time to see a huge wolf take off towards the tree’s. Derek!!!!

Stiles ran a little towards that direction, but knew he couldn't catch him so skidded to stop. What in the world was going on, where was he going? Stiles jogged back to his jeep and pulled up his phone, maybe he left him a text telling him where he was heading off to and where to meet him?

Stiles opened his phone and pulled up the new text icon. Reading the text, tears began to flow from his eyes. Stiles realized that Derek felt the same way about him as he did for the Alpha, but he thought he wasn't wanted or needed and was leaving Beacon Hills forever??

Looking towards the preserves and realizing he had missed his chance. The phone slipped from his fingers and dropped to the ground. Falling forward to his knees and grasping his hair Stiles cried out for his friend, his love?? There is no way to find him to tell him that he needed Derek.

Stiles needs Derek!


	2. Resolution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry, work and family got in the way. I am back and working on the larger chapters. Next chapter will be Stiles chasing after Derek. This chapter was just to let you all know I'm still here and haven't forgotten you.

Stiles can’t believe this is happening, he finally gets up the nerve to go and talk to Derek only to have him leave because he gave up. Why the hell did he send a text? Why didn’t he try to come and talk to Stiles? He’s getting angry and blaming Derek for taking away their chances. No, that’s not right. He knows he’s been busy with Malia and kind of been ignoring Derek for the last week or so. Damn it that makes him Scott and Malia Allison from when was that again, last year or maybe the year before. He is such a hypocrite. All those times he complained to Derek that Scott ignored him in favor of going out on a date with Allison for him to turn around and do the same thing to Derek. He was so stupid, he fit all those dumb cliché’s about teenagers and their stupidity.

Stiles is frustrated and upset and lost in his own sorrow. From one heartbeat to the next Stiles feels like he has aged years. He tips his head back and does the only thing he know the beast should be able to hear from this distance. Stiles howls. Granted it’s a very human howl and probably sounds ridiculous to non pack ears, but to his alpha it should convey everything he wants to say. Stiles needs Derek. He needs him to come back and see if they can be something more. He needs Derek to give them a chance. He needs Derek to forgive him for his treatment of him, because Stiles knows that no matter what he will never be complete without Derek. So he howls a long mournful sounds and prays to what God there is that Derek in human or wolf form will hear and return.

Stiles pounds his fist on the ground, this is getting him no closer to Derek. He can’t expect Derek to just coming running back to him. He knows he’s going to have to prove to Derek he cares enough to follow. Stiles grabs his emergency backpack from his jeep that he packed just this past weekend. He tosses in his extra sweatshirt, flashlight from the glove compartment, and extra battery for the cellphone. He doesn’t know how long he’s going to be gone so he goes ahead and scribbles a quick note to whoever finds the jeep that he WILL be back for it and to please make sure the Sheriff gets the jeep until he can come back for it. Thank goodness he just graduated and has no need to be anywhere until fall semester of school. Locking the doors and tossing his backpack on, Stiles takes off into the preserves following after the last place he saw the black tail of his wolf. There is no way he’s letting him get away from him.

Stiles needs Derek!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will update and change tags as we go. Next chapter will be called Chasing Derek. Some angst, some hurt Stiles, and some protective Stiles.

**Author's Note:**

> I have written this as a one-shot, but if there are enough people who like it I would be willing to write a sequel of Stiles looking for Derek, having it out with Scott over losing his pack member, and an overdue talk with the rest of the pack on the importance of family and showing acceptance for who we all are warts and all.


End file.
